How to start a long relationship?
Serious relationship = sustainability. Get ready for work and defense. Do not think that sustainability and constancy is one concept. Such a mistake will be a fatal mistake in a relationship. Sustainability needs support, confidence, understanding and mutual improvement. If you and your partner consistently swear once a week - this is consistency, but it’s not about reliability. In what way to seek support for a stable relationship?
Mutual understanding and mutual assistance
The relationship should be comfortable for both partners. If one person wants to live at the expense of another, such a relationship will not survive.The destructive selfish nature of man rejects other values and needs. The common belief is that in love one person is a victim, and the second one uses it - a delusion. What happens to the organism in which the parasite settled? He wasting away. Also with love. The source withers if it is not fed. The desire to help, to share responsibility, to take on other people's difficulties shows the willingness to create a long relationship with mutual support and support.
Whatever the illusions of romantics, material values in relationships play a significant role. Especially for men. As long as the life of a young man (and sometimes a middle-aged) does not enter a stable course, it will be difficult for him to concentrate on relationships. The constant change of work, place of residence, uncertainty in the future is a doubtful basis for stable relations. Today he is here, and tomorrow he goes to another city. Now he earns a penny, and a month later he gets a prestigious job and changes his environment. And along with him and his girlfriend, not included in the category of "elite". A man who has occupied his niche in society is safer, and relations with him are more stable.
As practice shows, people perfectly build long and strong relationships without feelings. A single goal and a desire for a comfortable life inextricably binds fate for many years. In such pairs there is also mutual understanding, and support, and material stability, even affection. But there is no feeling that can revive joint life.
Love makes the relationship sincere and unselfish. A person who delivers consciously, “because it is necessary,” will not understand how to share something just like that.
Love uproots the main weed of the “you for me - I for you” relationship. In the relations connected exclusively by material values, the constant calculation is conducted. If the partner has stumbled, got into a difficult life situation and lost the opportunity to give, he risks not getting support and being left alone. A loving person will support in any situation.
Before starting the search, decide what is important in your relationship. What are you ready to give to a partner, and what you hope to receive in return.
Forward, on the search
Choosing a person for a long relationship with the prospect of a successful marriage and a strong family is not an easy task, not a quick one. Take your time, wait for the sensual dope to subside.If you are flying to a beloved man or a beloved lady on the wings of love, think about your soul mate day and night and cannot concentrate on affairs, postpone the decision. Love blinds the person. Having made a rash choice (and it is logical to think when hormones rage is impossible), you risk ending the relationship with a speedy break.
When love goes away the world changes colors. Recall the scenarios of your past relationships. Why did you break up? Suddenly feelings faded away? Man disappointed your expectations? Turned out to be not so handsome, not so smart, not so attentive, as it seemed at first? Hormones work wonders, making people trustful and inattentive.
If the relationship does not break up after the hormonal attack stops, when the mind is clear, and the world is again non-optimistically realistic, proceed to a detailed study of the object of sympathy.
Who are we looking for?
You have someone in mind. You are ready for a serious relationship, and have already focused on the search. To know a person, you will need a lot of time: meetings, conversations, jointly spent weekends. What to look for when choosing a partner for a serious relationship?
Temperament and character
The first thing people go in search of common hobbies. The case is useful and necessary, but not paramount. Compatibility of temperaments is essential for creating strong relationships. Imagine the union of choleric and melancholic. One dominant, quick-tempered, active, irrepressible. He is a joker and soul of the company. The other is quiet, deeply experiencing, vulnerable, uncommunicative. He hides in his sink and refuses to go out. They found each other. The enamored choleric sang the serenades, wore flowers, courted generously, with a sweep. He conquered the quiet and timid heart of a melancholic. And they began to meet. The openness and drive of one hurts the other. When the choleric has flared up and has forgotten, the offended melancholy still months remembers that flash. And as he remembers, he will be offended again at once. One evening with friends, give, and the second silence, a little book, and the series favorite. And if the active sanguine sluggish phlegmatic in a couple choose? No difficulty anywhere.
In life, the lines between temperaments are blurred. Find a hundred percent choleric or phlegmatic, sanguine or melancholic is impossible.It smoothes contrasts, but the main problems remain.
An injured person needs a delicate partner, an emotional one - for a patient, a quick-tempered one - a reasonable one.
Character is a more serious concept. How many psychologists and sociologists have not classified a person’s identity has not come to a common opinion. Character is born in the individual fusion of natural and social. On the one hand, temperament, level of intelligence, way of thinking, on the other - upbringing, personal experience, education, national traditions. In the character and habits and tactics of behavior and attitude towards life.
Neither temperament nor character can be redone. Slightly correct - perhaps if the person himself wants. You do not make from a strong and swift businesswoman homemade hen. A soft and indecisive man, too, will not turn into a confident and unprincipled heartthrob.
How many people - so many tastes. To rush from one extreme to another is not worth it. Appearance is not among the most important qualities of a person for a serious relationship. It is important, but not so much to build it into a cult. The halo effect is human weakness.A beautiful person is often credited with virtues that he does not have. In pursuit of the outer shell, you risk getting a dummy.
Pay attention to the pleasantness. Tastes change over the years. The more a person tries and learns, the more options he has. If a man likes only thin girls, then, most likely, he has not yet found his lady with forms. And how many women dream of pumped up and tall guys? Only married get at least pretty, but low, thin, with glasses and freckles, with a couple of extra pounds or funny gait.
Parenting and education
I would like to believe in the fairy tale about Cinderella, but life does not indulge in magical accidents. Education is a powerful stumbling block. And if household trivia is fixable and solvable, then what to do with higher settings? From childhood, a person brings into existence an established pattern of behavior. A guy from a family of conservatives living on the principle of domostroi, and a girl brought up in the tradition of equality and liberalism, it will be difficult to find a common language. Scandals on the subject of washing up the dishes and making decisions in the house are guaranteed.
Education plays an important role. A car mechanic and art historian in the regional museum, a business analyst and a girl with a culinary education - they will have to work a lot on themselves to find a common language. As a rule, a less-educated partner has to chase after his half, you need to learn a lot to understand what the other person lives. Imagine the situation: he talks about politics, and she talks about pasta. How long will the joint interest last?
If a person has not yet walked up, to drag him into a serious relationship is a dangerous gamble: a broken heart, unjustified expectations, disappointment. And how much effort wasted!
Men, think about it! Who do you want to see as your pair?
Frivolous girls are unlikely to be a good option for a long relationship. Pesky offenses, invented reasons for inflating sponges - is this not an indicator of immaturity?
And if a girl uses a man for the fulfillment of her whims or for passing entertainment, respect and return do not wait. Unplayed girls crave exploits, huge teddy bears, passions, and absolutely do not think about giving back.These are infantile "princesses" with one desire - to feed on the love and attention of others.
Who to avoid the fair sex? Men stuck in uncertainty. Until he finds out what he likes, he will not try, do not experiment, do not expect a serious relationship. Do not walk up at first, go to the secret outings then. And neither the child in the cradle nor your passionate “love” at night will stop him.
Infantile men stuck in the children's or teenage perception of the world is also not the best option. They are afraid of serious decisions, prone to maximalism, avoid adult roles, and have difficulty in surviving in this dangerous world of people. Support and support from such a man will not wait.
How to start a long relationship? Act. Search, meet, chat and not be afraid of fleeting novels. Do not put a rigid framework. Observe the senses. When you feel that a person is coming, do not be afraid to step further and try yourself for strength. A serious relationship is the first step towards a long-term joint future.